i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
