I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
