Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
