corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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