I heard we made out
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
