Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
