the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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