I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
