I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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