his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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