He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
