Kiss
Puke
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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