sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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