Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
