if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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