i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
