Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
