Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
