U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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