Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
