I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
