toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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