A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
