She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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