I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
