Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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