I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
