Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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