My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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