i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
