Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
