Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
