"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
