Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
