in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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