I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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