My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
