Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
