I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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