if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
