So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
