Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
please come you make the beer taste better
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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