you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
