I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
