I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
ok first of all what the fuck
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