Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My pussy is not your playground.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
