I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
