Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
