You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
