Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
