So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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