i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
