I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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