so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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