My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How does one acquire holy water?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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