Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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